i'm leaving in the morning
and i thought i should admit
finally,
that it was never your fault
this came to me,
last night
as I walked the ice roads home
from maryland
and that bartender who looked into my eyes
and repeated every word I said
like poetry
Spadina
Spadina
Spadina
which is where I live now
in chinatown:
deranged and ramshakle
unkempt and snake charmed
it reminds me of you.
and that certain way you look sideways at me
during the long, dark rides home
or the way your street sounds when
no one has walked on the pavement for days
and how I now mistake the recognition
in your eyes for madness because
it's been a while since i've been recognized
by you
or anyone else for that matter.
walking the ice roads
last night
I looked up and saw you
bright and twinkling
dressed in snow
smiling at me.
and I realize now, how unfair I've been.