The Truth About Dr. ALfA

My complaint about Dr. Michael Sebastian ALfA, Sr.

I was so pleased by the response to my last letter that I decided to write another one. Don't worry; I have plenty of new stuff to say about Dr. Michael Sebastian ALfA, Sr. and his devotees. Permit me this forum to rant. I frequently wish to tell him that he is one of the world's major voices of defeatism. But being a generally genteel person, however, I always bite my tongue. I must emphasize that he coins polysyllabic neologisms to make his magic-bullet explanations sound like they're actually important. In fact, his treatises are filled to the brim with words that have yet to appear in any accepted dictionary.

Even Michael's horoscope says he's pesky. This position, in large part, parallels civil libertarianism, but with particular emphasis on the fact that I have frequently criticized Michael's unspoken plan to cause people to betray one another and hate one another. He usually addresses my criticisms by accusing me of Lysenkoism, gangsterism, child molestation, and halitosis. Michael hopes that by delegitimizing me this way, no one will listen to me when I say that it's really not bloody-mindedness that compels me to follow knowledge like a sinking star beyond the utmost bound of human thought. It's my sense of responsibility to you, the reader. My goal for this letter was to push the envelope on our knowledge of the world around us. Know that I have done my best while trying always to spread the word about Dr. Michael Sebastian ALfA, Sr.'s pugnacious doctrines to our friends, our neighbors, our relatives, our co-workers -- even to strangers. Let an honest history judge.